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That insight from the MONEY survey makes intuitive sense and may not be surprising.

What is startling: the extent to which a woman’s contribution to the family’s income drives her financial participation, either as chief decision-maker or in concert with her spouse, and the effect it has on how she feels about managing money.

“It’s not only acceptable; it’s expected.” These new dynamics, however, are also creating new tensions, as women feel heightened financial stress, men come to grips (or not) with shared decision-making, and both spouses struggle to figure out a fair division of labor (financial and otherwise) at home.

Meanwhile, no matter how much the husband or wife earns, the survey found that money remains the top source of friction for couples overall, with spending a particularly contentious issue.

For instance, wives who are the larger breadwinner are roughly three times as likely as lower-earning women to take the lead in investing and retirement planning.

They’re also more apt to be in charge of the household budgeting and bill paying, and to buy ­insurance for the family. Husbands in the survey who didn’t earn as much as their wives were far less likely to say they were the primary decision-maker, although they remained a lot more involved than wives who earn less or no salary in nearly all areas.

“I thought it would be nice not to have that responsibility,” she says. Instead, Jehan, 44, stayed single until two years ago; by then she’d built a successful career as a government attorney and had become accustomed to managing her own money.

After her marriage to Seth, 40, an advocate for a nonprofit who makes a good deal less than she does, Jehan continued to take the lead in managing money for the Alexandria, Va., couple—partly out of convenience, since Seth already had his hands full taking care of his disabled mother and sister, and partly because she didn’t want to cede control.

What’s apparent is that while men typically feel ownership in the family’s finances no matter how much they earn, women often need to be making a direct and substantial monetary contribution before they feel the same.

Perhaps most telling: Only 4% of lower-earning husbands feel they’re not a financial ­decision-maker in the family, vs. These gender-driven differences in approach echo the contrasting professional styles that researchers have observed in the workplace, says University of Maryland sociology professor Philip Cohen.

He notes that female managers tend to be more collaborative and relationship-oriented than their male counterparts.

When husbands are the bigger earners, they take the lead in managing the couple’s money—especially in their own estimation.

When asked who is primarily responsible for major decisions about retirement planning and portfolio management, for example, six in 10 higher-earning men claimed the title, with only 39% saying they share the role with their wife.

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That means not just how they save, spend, and invest but also what they worry about, what they fight about, and even how happy they are in their relationships.

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